La Contessa is remembered as one of the greatest ever art cars. A half-size replica pirate ship, sailing through the desert. It famously got banned from Burning Man, then was stored on a nearby ranch. The figurehead statue was stolen from the ranch, and later a photograph appeared in an ePlaya thread (and then was removed) – it is one of the most coveted stolen art works in San Francisco today. The lady who owned the ranch sold it, and the new owner gave her a lifetime lease of her historic farmhouse. Then that burned down, and she moved out. The Burner owners of La Contessa obviously thought that the verbal agreement with her that it would be fine to store their vehicle there, transferred automatically into a binding contract with the new owner of the land – even after La Contessa got banned from Burning Man and was not being used, and even when the owner is notoriously anti-Burning Man. To me this seems like a pretty big assumption to make. Also it’s the Wild West out there, and if you’ve seen a few Westerns you know that if they burn down the farmhouse of a little old lady, they’re probably gonna burn some abandoned hippy art too.

Still, common sense goes out the window when there’s money to be had in a lawsuit. They are seeking around $1 million, apparently on the basis that the ranch owner has a $7 million yacht. The trial is set for July 30, 2012.

If you’re interested in the whole story, Scribe has written a brilliant piece on it.

La Contessa was a Spanish galleon, amazingly authentic and true to 16th-century design standards in all but a couple respects. It was half the size of the ships that carried colonizers to this continent and pirates through the Caribbean. And it was built around a school bus, designed to trawl the Burning Man festival and the Black Rock Desert environs, where it became perhaps the most iconic and surreal art piece in the event’s history.The landcraft wasn’t exactly easy to navigate. It was heavy and turned slowly. The person driving the school bus couldn’t see much, so a navigator sitting on the bow needed to communicate to the driver by radio. Those sitting in the crow’s nest felt the vessel gently sway as if it were rocking on waves.

Inside, it was opulent, with a fancy bar, gilded frames, velvet trim—a cross between an elaborate bordello and a captain’s stateroom. And adorning its bow was a priceless work of art, a figure of a woman by San Francisco sculptor Monica Maduro.

La Contessa was a controversial vessel – by the sound of it, the owners wholeheartedly embraced the piratical theme, and this may have earned them some enemies.

The ship and its captains and crew—most of whom are members of San Francisco’s popular Extra Action Marching Band—hit more than their share of storms in the desert, developing a storied outlaw reputation that eventually got them banned from Burning Man. By 2005, much of the galleon’s crew was unsure if they’d ever return. The ship was no longer welcome at the Ranch staging area run by the event’s organizers and unable to legally navigate the highways without being dismantled. So it returned to its berth on Grant Ranch, on the edge of the Black Rock Desert, where Joan Grant had welcomed La Contessaand two other large artworks since 2003.

Then late last summer, someone looted the ship, stealing Maduro’s piece, which was hidden deep within the ship’s hold. Maduro and others have kept the theft a secret until now in the hope that they might find it, fearing that publicity and police involvement might drive the piece further underground, particularly after the reported sighting of a photo of the figurehead on Tribe.net, with a caption indicating it was the latest addition to someone’s living room.

And in early December, apparently without warning, prominent local landowner Mike Stewart—new owner of the ranch—set La Contessa on fire and had her charred remains hauled away. 

The pirates have had one lawsuit thrown out of Court already. The judge ruled that turning a bus into an art car, did not remove the utility of the bus. And therefore it was “Applied Art” and the owner was entitled to burn it.

…the stronger federal claim under the Visual Artists Rights Act of 1990 (VARA) having been thrown out by Judge McQuaid. The judge ruled La Contessa was “applied art”, which is specifically excluded under VARA. In dismissing the VARA claim the Court held:

A bus is a utilitarian object, the purpose of which is to move and transport people. La Contessa was built on top of a bus and retained the bus’ innate function of movement and transport. La Contessa was thus a functional object. . . . By virtue of its retention of the ability to move and transport people, however slowly, it remained a utilitarian object and thus constituted applied Art. In addition, to the extent Plaintiffs assert that La Contessa was not applied art because it was a venue for performances, such an object is also functional and would constitute applied art, as well. Accordingly, as La Contessa was applied art, it was not a work of visual art, and Plaintiffs are thus not eligible for relief under 17 U.S.C. §106A [VARA].

They’re hoping this time round, the court will take a different view under a “conversion” claim. The essence of their claim is that La Contessa was a valuable art work, not just an old junk bus that could not be driven off the property because it was not road-worthy.

Despite this setback the trial will go forward as to whether Stewart illegally deprived Plaintiffs of their rights to the art piece by setting La Contessa on fire on December 5, 2006. One of the interesting twists involved in the case relate to the real property rights of Stewart as the land owner, a hot button topic in Nevada. These rights are pitted against the undisputed fact that Cheffins and Jones had clear authority to store La Contessa on the property from the late Joan Grant. Ms. Grant previously owned the land, but sold to Stewart and continued to live there under legal agreement. She left the property when her residence caught on fire and did not return to rebuild. Plaintiffs and friends had consistently visited La Contessa, in between it’s appearances at Burning Man, and were actively looking for an alternative location for display and/or storage when it was destroyed. It also should be noted that Stewart made no effort to contact Plaintiffs, or anyone for that matter, before torching La Contessa.

There also remains the issue of a punitive damages award against Defendant Michael Stewart, a wealthy businessman and land owner. Perhaps ironically, after burning La Contessa, Mr. Stewart attempted to sell his own yacht, Sierra Rose, for 7 Million dollars.

Their case seems to hinge on a dead lady telling them it was fine for them to store their million dollar art work outside in the paddock on a farm she neither owned nor lived in any more.

Their lawyer is working for free, if you want to help defend Burners against the evil rancher arsonist, you can chip in for their expenses:

our steadfast legal superhero, paul quade, is working pro-bono on the case, there are still some costs to cover (relocating greg and simon to reno for a month, costs for transporting and sheltering/feeding witnesses, covering the lawyer’s expenses to subpoena witnesses and other small expenses). we had a benefit, but didn’t raise quite enough. we have a paypal account: LaContessaLegalFund@gmail.com . if you are moved, we are humbly accepting donations in any amount. we need about $4000. if you donate, please make a note to us with your mailing address and you will receive a special gift with our kind regards.

Here’s a case that shows clearly, guys with $7 million yachts don’t think like most Burners. These Burners thought “that is one of the best art cars, it’s sacred and magical, no one would ever hurt it, that would be bad karma. This nice old lady said it would be alright to keep it there so we’ve left it for years even though we don’t take it to Burning Man any more because we got kicked out, and even though the guy who owns the ranch tried to shut Burning Man down and the lady’s house burned down and she left town. What? Something happened to it? That’s not our fault, better sue!”

The Spanish Galleon !! Now THAT’s a tale.