Kindergarten Kamp’s Phoenix – photo by John William Fairclough

by Whatsblem the Pro

Burnal Equinox came and went this weekend in Nevada City, California, and I’m still trying to stop smiling.

I told you this would happen, and boy did it ever.

I got to the Miner’s Foundry in Nevada City early in the day, floated around helping out where I could, and put up some art of my own — two short stories and an introductory graphic with the title SCIENCE WINS AGAIN — on a wall near the live music stage. Right about the time I was thinking I should get myself a ticket before the box office ran out, friends from BRAND UR ASS CAMP showed up and gifted me one in a sordid, perverse attempt to do me irreparable harm by exposing me to deeply corrupting influences (THANK YOU).

There were live musicians and DJs galore, but thanks to the layout of the venue, the music didn’t overwhelm everything else going on. The Miner’s Foundry boasts two big rooms with stages, other smaller and acoustically distinct spaces for all kinds of other activities, and an expansive outdoors area where theme camps set up booths and art and events, giving us the best of both worlds: choices in continuous sound, and the option to just hang out and converse comfortably.

My personal musical highlight was the kick-ass set that SNAIL TRAIL played; there were other, more high-profile acts on the stage Saturday night, but Snail Trail’s raunchy-librarians-meet-Pussy-Riot aesthetic made me want to get down on my wretched man-knees and service them.

KINDERGARTEN KAMP and the CONTROLLED BURN folks were in full effect out back, with major fire art lighting up the night and inspiring shock and awe in the locals who turned up to see what in the hell was going on.

Also amazingly fun was the Jedi Training, in which padawan learners armed only with toy lightsabers attempted to defend themselves against a vicious onslaught of electrically-lit frisbees thrown at them by the crowd. . . bravo to Coryon Redd for coming up with a featherweight idea that yielded a kiloton of fun, and for hitting me in the dick with an electric frisbee.

An amazing time was had by all, thanks to the skill and hard work of the organizers, the participants, and our hosts at the Miner’s Foundry. Even the local cops assigned to police the event looked like they were enjoying it thoroughly; I saw a pure grin worthy of the third grade lighting up one beefy face at the sight of a giant metal skull, wreathed in roaring flames that spilled from its eyes and mouth.

I spoke with Nevada City Chief of Police Jim Wickham the day after the event; Chief Wickham (stop snickering, you kids) expressed some concern over the noise we made after 2:00 AM, when the festivities were scheduled to end. The Miner’s Foundry is adjacent to a residential neighborhood, and residents called in to complain that while their expectations had been set by a well-organized flyer campaign, the noise went on well after two o’clock. I got the impression from the Chief that this is something we really need to focus on taking care of next year, if we want to continue being welcome in Nevada City.

There was so much to see and do, and I won’t even try to cover it all. . . just be sure and get your hot ass to Burnal Equinox next year, even if you have to make it yourself in your own town. I mean, I’d tell you more, but you unwisely chose not to attend the shenanigans, so now you’ll just have to wonder what else you missed out on (HINT: plenty, plus belly dancing).

You may now watch this wholly inadequate video while you rend your garments and gnash your teeth because you weren’t there. FOOLISH MORTALS.