The Octorapture Draws Nigh

by Whatsblem the Pro

When Duane Flatmo, the artist behind EL PULPO MECANICO, made public the plans to scrap his great beast of a mechanical flame-juggling octopus on Good Friday of this year, Burners.me jumped on the story and called it out for the wicked heresy it was. . . and lo! Three days later on Easter Sunday, thanks to the cries and lamentations of the burner public, the Great One had risen from death just as the prophecy foretold. Thus spake Flatmo:

“The idea to decommission El Pulpo Mecanico has changed. El Pulpo Mecanico was in need of a newer, more reliable lower vehicle and a better, more precise fire system. We had decided to build something new in this process. Now after an overwhelming and heartwarming response, we have decided to bring her back this year with an even more detailed and beautiful transformation. El Pulpo Mecanico will be at BM 2013 after all. See you there and thanks!”

Since then, another part of the Whatsblem Prophecy has been fulfilled:

“While it may be true that the forces of evil could, in theory, disassemble and destroy the corporeal form of the One True God, it’s also true that this would only free El Pulpo Mecanico from Its material ties to this planet. Strike El Pulpo down, and It will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

In his penitence, Duane Flatmo is now once again hard at work in service of the Many-Limbed One, and the upgrade is looking very stylish, as these exclusive photos clearly show:

Octobishop Jerry Kunkel says a prayer before taking up his tools -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Octobishop Jerry Kunkel says a prayer before taking up his tools — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The new carriage bristles with weapons of ancient Atlantean design -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The new carriage bristles with weapons of ancient Atlantean design — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The scientific community called him insane, but he showed them all -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The scientific community called him insane, but he showed them all — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

A table full of holy relics -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

A table full of holy relics — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Every time El Pulpo incinerates an angel, a bell rings -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Every time El Pulpo incinerates an angel, a bell rings — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Like any angry god, El Pulpo Mecanico requires not just your fealty and your adoration, but also a small portion of any money you might happen to have lying around. Duane Flatmo does what he can, but the man is only a humble servant who has taken a vow of poverty (though not chastity) in service of his chosen deity. If you’d like to avoid the searing flames of a cephalopodic Hell on Earth and win the otherworldly favor of a powerful, up-and-coming idol, you could do worse than to tithe some pretty polly to His Pulpitude. Click, brother! Click, sister! GIVE UNTIL IT BURNS.

2 comments on “The Octorapture Draws Nigh

  1. Thanks Otis…My good friend and co-builder is Jerry Kunkel. He’s designed the electrical and fire systems for the new El Pulpo Mecanico. That’s him in these photos! Great job Jerry!

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