10 comments on “Surviving Burning Man: First Timer’s Guide

  1. Pingback: There’s A New Sheriff In Town | Burners.Me: Me, Burners and The Man

  2. They should include tips for hacking Ticketfly or techniques on fondling nuts mid Fellatio to aid in obtaining a ticket.

  3. BTW, is it cool for Hengehold Trucks to use Burning Man in what is basically an advertisement? I would think not.

  4. Wow, looks like the safety cards they put on the back or airline seats. Your nearest exit may be behind you. Wait what? BEHIND me – how can it be behind me?

    My first timers advice is to fly to Reno and rent a Lincoln Town Car. If you’re traveling with others – each of you rent separate Town Cars. Load that giant trunk up with water and beef jerky and soup and Jack and cigarettes. Don’t worry about ice – learn to drink you Jack warm hot. Buy only non-parishable food. Forget about drugs – just stick to whiskey. Get one of those cheap pop-up shade structures – the wind will certainly blow it down, but buy enough twine to tie it down at every point and cut holes big holes in the fabric. Buy a lawn chair and some carpet at Walmart, and you’re all set. Forget about a tent – the backseat of the Town Car is better than a first class seat on British Airways. You’ll sleep fine back there. Tape aluminum foil around the windows to keep the morning sun out. Only enter the car when you’re ready to go to sleep to keep the dust out and take all your clothes off first. If you get cold, turn the car on and the heater, make sure you have enough gas to keep it running.

    Also, piss in empty water bottles. Store them in the front seat until you’re ready to take a shit, then dump them out in the portapotty. This will save you from 5am trip to those disgusting things.

    Finally, don’t worry about getting laid out there. If you’re trying to get laid you’ll have the stink of death all over you. This goes for men and women alike.

    Just wander around and have fun.

      • Yep, tried and true 😉

        The biggest thing is just having fun and not worrying about what others think about you. If you’re truly having fun you are infectious and will attract likeminded people to you regardless of your costume or if you’re the captain of an art car or cool theme camp or have billions in your bank account. It’s just so easy that’s it’s often times incredibly difficult.

    • Replace the Town Car with a minivan, and that pretty much describes the approach I used, except the one horrible year I did the RV thing. BTW, the aluminum foil goes on the OUTSIDE of the windows. And if you are talented, you can make a shade cover with a tarp and two poles and staked ropes tied to your van. Sleep in the back with your adventure partner on an air mattress and a sleeping bag, or just sleep in the passenger seat if solo like I did the first year. And since about ’07 you have to fly into Vegas, because that $299/wk van is $899/wk at RNO, from the same agency. (And NEVER EVER rent from Budget or Avis!)

      • Minivan is the way to go. Ours has survived 5 trips to the playa and is still going strong. Take out the back 2 rows of seats, pile all your crap in there and get a cheapo tent so that you can store your gear there and sleep in the van. Make a monkeyhut for 100 bucks and park the van in there so you can sleep until noon.

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