Tag Archives: cars

Aug 23 2013

I-80 Alert! Sinkhole in Truckee Forces Lane Closures

by Whatsblem the Pro

Expect delays on I-80 through Truckee - PHOTO: Samuel Gonzalez/KCRA

Expect delays on I-80 through Truckee – PHOTO: Samuel Gonzalez/KCRA

Caltrans reports that a sinkhole has developed in the center median on Interstate 80 in the Truckee area, near Donner Pass Road.

The sinkhole, which was first reported this morning, is said to be approximately three feet wide and has forced the closure of two lanes, affecting both eastbound and westbound traffic. Travelers should expect delays, as the number one lanes in both directions are closed until further notice.

Workers have been on the scene for much of the day, assessing the severity of the sinkhole and planning for repair work. The cause of the sinkhole is not yet known, but the problem became evident during paving undertaken by Caltrans early this morning.

Other potential hazards on the road to Burning Man include numerous large fires, nearly twenty miles of washed-out shoulder on NV-447, and a reported massive increase in law enforcement activity both on the highways and on the playa. The Pyramid Lake Paiute tribe’s reservation, for instance, includes a stretch of highway with a lower-than-usual speed limit; the tribe is said to be enforcing that limit strictly, using at least two brand-new pursuit vehicles that some speculate were purchased specifically for this year’s Burning Man season.

With heavy construction on alternate routes to the Black Rock Desert, there may simply be no getting around the various closures, hazardous road conditions, fires, speed traps, and law enforcement shakedowns. Be careful out there; make sure your vehicle is road-legal, your license is in order, and your knowledge of your rights and how to stand up for them are brushed-up. We want to see you on the playa with a smile on your face, not standing by the side of the road with all your belongings being tossed by uniformed thugs with dogs. . . or upside-down and on fire in a ditch.

Aug 19 2013

Highway Update!

by Whatsblem the Pro

NV State Route 447 in June of this year -- PHOTO: Ralph Minnitte

NV State Route 447 in June of this year — PHOTO: Ralph Minnitte

A lot of burners have been worried about the condition of Nevada State Route 447 since the recent heavy rains washed out a portion of the road. NV 447 is the main route in and out of Black Rock, and any really significant construction delays could cause some serious problems for tens of thousands of people trying to get to the playa.

A recent edition of Jack Rabbit Speaks advised burners to exercise more than usual caution when driving out to the playa, stating that 447 had “taken a beating” and speculating that road repair work could possibly create a twenty-mile bottleneck of single-lane traffic. “Allow extra time for your journey,” advised the JRS.

Be just, and fear not.

I personally drove 447 just a few days ago; at this point, what remains evident of the damage is nearly all to the highway’s shoulders along the stretch where the flooding was at its worst. It’s certainly true that construction work on the highway would be liable to cause delays even more serious than the actual damage to the road, but you can put the JRS down now and take a deep breath: in a thoughtful and canny maneuver that shows how well-regarded Burning Man actually is by local State and County authorities, the Nevada Department of Transportation (NDOT) has announced that they will cease all road work for a three-week period, to accommodate traffic going in and out of Black Rock City.

“We’re so aware of Burning Man that we don’t do any major road work during the event,” said Scott Magruder, an NDOT spokesman. Magruder added that NDOT is currently doing all they can to repair the road as well as possible before ceasing operations entirely for the duration of the festival.

“Just obey the speed limit,” Magruder advised. “You’re going to make it there. Of course, we can’t predict if there will be another severe water event.”

With 447’s shoulders in a marginal state, further flooding – which happily is not expected – could wash the damaged section out entirely. Always check the weather before you head out to any wilderness, and plan accordingly. . . even if 60,000 of your best friends will be there waiting for you.

Naturally, NDOT will have people patrolling the road to make sure everything flows smoothly. So will the Nevada Highway Patrol and various other law enforcement agencies, so make sure your vehicle is legit, and keep your big lead foot the hell out of the gas out there. I know it’s a temptation to go screaming balls-out down the road toward the best time you’ll ever have, but driving the speed limit will get you there just fine, while speeding might get you pulled over and potentially screwed right in the vacation-hole. . . or worse. Drive safely, arrive safely, and save the mayhem and madness for the playa.

Jul 18 2013

The Octorapture Draws Nigh

by Whatsblem the Pro

When Duane Flatmo, the artist behind EL PULPO MECANICO, made public the plans to scrap his great beast of a mechanical flame-juggling octopus on Good Friday of this year, Burners.me jumped on the story and called it out for the wicked heresy it was. . . and lo! Three days later on Easter Sunday, thanks to the cries and lamentations of the burner public, the Great One had risen from death just as the prophecy foretold. Thus spake Flatmo:

“The idea to decommission El Pulpo Mecanico has changed. El Pulpo Mecanico was in need of a newer, more reliable lower vehicle and a better, more precise fire system. We had decided to build something new in this process. Now after an overwhelming and heartwarming response, we have decided to bring her back this year with an even more detailed and beautiful transformation. El Pulpo Mecanico will be at BM 2013 after all. See you there and thanks!”

Since then, another part of the Whatsblem Prophecy has been fulfilled:

“While it may be true that the forces of evil could, in theory, disassemble and destroy the corporeal form of the One True God, it’s also true that this would only free El Pulpo Mecanico from Its material ties to this planet. Strike El Pulpo down, and It will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

In his penitence, Duane Flatmo is now once again hard at work in service of the Many-Limbed One, and the upgrade is looking very stylish, as these exclusive photos clearly show:

Octobishop Jerry Kunkel says a prayer before taking up his tools -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Octobishop Jerry Kunkel says a prayer before taking up his tools — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The new carriage bristles with weapons of ancient Atlantean design -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The new carriage bristles with weapons of ancient Atlantean design — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The scientific community called him insane, but he showed them all -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

The scientific community called him insane, but he showed them all — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

A table full of holy relics -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

A table full of holy relics — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Every time El Pulpo incinerates an angel, a bell rings -- PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Every time El Pulpo incinerates an angel, a bell rings — PHOTO: Duane Flatmo

Like any angry god, El Pulpo Mecanico requires not just your fealty and your adoration, but also a small portion of any money you might happen to have lying around. Duane Flatmo does what he can, but the man is only a humble servant who has taken a vow of poverty (though not chastity) in service of his chosen deity. If you’d like to avoid the searing flames of a cephalopodic Hell on Earth and win the otherworldly favor of a powerful, up-and-coming idol, you could do worse than to tithe some pretty polly to His Pulpitude. Click, brother! Click, sister! GIVE UNTIL IT BURNS.