By Terry Gotham
One year, in my camp, there was a fellow named Bad Andy. He had a penchant for yelling “Rock & Roll” at the top of his lungs while executing bad ideas, which is how he got his name. One such bad idea was drinking a bottle of Jameson & a 24 pack of Bud Light before going on a midnight art walk without a Camelbak. Some of you may have seen this episode before…
The next day, after Rangers delivered 3 IV bags of fluid & 4 32oz bottles of Gatorade into his system, he was back at our camp, suffering in a hammock while we poked him with sticks. His penalty was the same as it was for all Burners who get a little too confident. He lost a literal day to the hangover and had 10-15% less Burning Man than the rest of us (depending on how many days you’re usually there, of course). With festival season s about to kick off, I figured I’d create the spiritual successor to my New Year’s Eve article and get our faithful readers information they can actually use when going hard at weekend festivals, regional Burns, or even the Big Kahuna itself. Some advice will be more relevant to Burning Man, while other notes will apply more to regionals and retail festivals.
Basic Tips For Comfort
One thing that I learned the hard way my first year on Playa: Bring more than 2 pairs of sunglasses. There’s nothing worse than bringing a pair of sunglasses and having them break, or bringing 2 pairs, loaning one to your friend, and then smashing yours by accident. This may seem like a fashion faux pas, but wearing a cheap pair of plastic gas station sunglasses will get you way more Instagram likes than squinting in a 3-7 days worth of pictures.
For Burners, this goes double. Have 2 pairs of sunglasses & 2 pairs of goggles. Even a cheapo 2nd pair purchased as an afterthought can seriously decrease the amount you mutter “fuck fuck fuck” to yourself during a whiteout.
For anyone who hasn’t been to Mysteryland or PEX Summerfest or Burning Man, trust that the sound never stops. Ever. No matter what festival you’re going to, have a noise cancellation/hearing protection plan. This is more than just “bringing a pair of foam ear plugs,” because we both know you’re going to lose those on night one. At least 1 pack of foam ear plugs or those custom fitted/molded ones are must-haves if you’re planning on camping anywhere near amplified sound. If you bring extra, you can earn friends on the dance floor when you’re generous with the rest of the pack. This might be a good time to do some window shopping at gearhungry.com, camping survival gear and burns just go together, trust.
Additionally, if you’re bringing a child, know that protecting their hearing is paramount. Construction grade noise cancelling headphones are a must. If I see you with a baby on the dance floor, and that baby doesn’t have ear protection that makes him look like he works on a tarmac at an airport, I’m going to hate you to death with my mind.
One little suggestion to help you feel refreshed: Bring a toothbrush when you head out for the night. While this tip doesn’t really work in club land, giving yourself a fresh clean mouth and splashing some cold water on your face is as rejuvenating as a 20min nap.
Know the route from where you’re partying back to your tent in daylight & the dark without relying on too many landmarks. One of the biggest issues newbie Burning Man attendees report is, the day after the Man burns, no one can find their way around because they were using “the man” as a guide post to locate themselves.
Even if you don’t plan on tanning during the event, don’t forget sunscreen! Not tanning oil, sunscreen, with at least SPF30.You’re going to be in the sun all day, so even if you’re not lily white, you might burn. I wouldn’t wish a sunburn on my worst enemy at Electric Daisy Carnival Las Vegas or Burning Man.
Lastly, have a plan to get there AND TO GET HOME. I’m amazed I need to say this, but apparently it’s a tough one for some of us. No one wants to be the guy who is hitching a ride away from the festival. And yes, if you’re hitching to get off playa on Sunday or Monday after the man burns, we all hate you.
How To Avoid The Penalty Box (Hangovers)
While some issues are largely surrounding being comfortable while partying, some will sideline you if you don’t handle them properly. That’s why the mistake Bad Andy made was so costly. He lost 24hrs of Burning Time, which is pretty expensive, given the cost to attend and how much he’d been looking forward to it all year.
On day 2 and 3, start mixing Gatorade & salty snacks into your water regimen. Pissing clear is important, but because you spend so much time sweating, unless you’re replacing those electrolytes, you’ll be at risk for an equally problematic situation. Here’s a pile of potential problems to look forward to if you’re not maintaining those levels.
Moreover, at Burning Man, unless you’ve got an RV, by the time it’s 10 am, it’s too hot to sleep in the tent you took to Rainbow Gathering & pitched in the shadows of a big ass tree. So, this is a big one. Get to bed early enough such that you’re solidly in deep sleep by the time the sun is up. While you may not be punished for this so severely at a forest-based festival, if you’re on a beach or on playa, messing this up will cost you a night of sleep. That may not be 100% disabling, especially for our younger readers, but do this 2 days in a row, and you’ll be a zombie, guaranteed.
An easy way to sneak snooze time is to schedule a nap during a DJ you hate. It feels like you can’t miss anything and you’ve gotta go hard, trust me, don’t give in to FOMO. You’ll have a better time if you’re well rested, and you won’t piss off the people you camp with. Even a nap that only lasts 90min is a full REM cycle if uninterrupted.
One oddly helpful suggestion I received on playa one year is to start collecting/packing out your garbage daily over the weekend. This sounds like a thing we all say we’re going to do, but never remember. I tried it once and can attest to how smoothly it made my departure. Bag stuff up and get it ready to process/bring back with you from Leave No Trace events, so when you’re hungover/tired the day after the burn, you’ve got one less thing to think about.
Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
This last category will be a bit more serious. Certain mistakes will ruin your night and the following day, while others can ruin your life. For example, know where the crisis intervention/Ranger stations are before you have an emergency. This can literally make the difference between life & death. I cannot stress this point enough. Say hi to the Rangers, Ground Control (EDC) or Conscious Crew (Seattle/Tacoma region events) before you get fucked up. Make sure your sober spotter knows how to get the attention of emergency staff. I cannot stress this point enough. When you need help and everyone’s on Ketamine, reading a map’s gonna get real tough, real fast.
No matter what the amphetamines tell you, don’t dance for more than 4 hours at a time without stretching and taking a break to cool down. Seriously. The stimulants have gotten powerful over the years, but the cardiovascular system of your average dance floor participant hasn’t. Stretching isn’t just because it feels good while you’re fucked up, it’s to prevent soreness, stiffness and aches you might attempt to medicate with painkillers. Take a break, the party will still be there after you take 20min to relax in a cuddle puddle.
Secondly, calm it down with the frat row level drinking. No really, you can’t be conversationally drunk for more than 12 hours. Either exhaustion finally overtakes you, or you mis-time that 14th shot and you crash hard. I couldn’t be a bigger fan of margarita walks in the inner rings near center camp, but don’t plan on day-drinking all day and partying until sunrise that same night. Give yourself an early bedtime and a Camelbak or two of water, so you can actually hit up Utili-kilt Yoga the next day.
If you’re honestly attempting to take drugs to stay up longer than your body allows, skip the adderall and hit up the provigil. You’ll get a couple more hours of party but less of the amphetamine jitters & insanity. The old urban legend of being awake for 72hrs causing you to qualify as clinically insane is a total myth, but amphetamine psychosis most certainly is not. Don’t try and push it, because the drugs will knock you around.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t try and push so hard, there will always be another party. Slow your roll so you make it to Labor Day with epic memories that don’t involve ambulances or puking on the deep playa because you needed more calcium. If you find me on the dusty dance floor, I’ll have ear plugs for you.