Burning Man Project Director’s ex-Wife Found Dead in Nevada [Updates]

ambermariebently2Burning Man Project and former Black Rock Arts Foundation Director Chris Bently’s estranged ex-wife has been found dead by a process server sent to deliver an eviction notice in her home town. The information we have is Mr Bently, whom the Bently Reserve (the converted Federal reserve building used for many Burning Man functions) is named after, is currently in London. Our condolences go out to the family and friends of Amber Marie Bently.


GARDNERVILLE — Sheriff’s deputies are investigating the death of a San Francisco businesswoman, jewelry designer and socialite whose body was found last week in her Nevada apartment.

Authorities on Wednesday said Amber Marie Bently’s body was discovered Friday by a process server who went to deliver an eviction notice. No one had reported her missing and it appeared that she had been dead for several weeks, Douglas County sheriff’s Sgt. Pat Brooks said.

nautilusBently, 34, was married to businessman Christopher Bently, CEO of Bently Holdings, a property management company with offices in Minden, Nev., and San Francisco.

The two were active in the San Francisco social scene and enthusiasts of the annual Burning Man festival, held annually around Labor Day on Nevada’s Black Rock Desert north of Reno. About four years ago, the couple was featured as the “new kids on the block” on the San Francisco Social Diary website when they threw a pajama party at their posh Nob Hill penthouse.

Brooks said that there was no evidence of criminal activity or foul play. An autopsy didn’t pinpoint a cause of death and toxicology reports are pending — a process that could take six to eight weeks.

Deputies described Bently as Christopher Bently’s estranged wife and said she lived alone in the apartment in Gardnerville, a town of about 6,000 located 16 miles south of Carson City. The couple was married for at least 10 years, according to published reports. It’s unknown whether they had divorced.

chrisbentlyChristopher Bently heads several companies founded by his late father, Donald Bently, an engineer, philanthropist and businessman who died in October at the age of 87.

The elder Bently founded Bently Scientific Co. in the garage of his Berkeley, Calif., home in 1956. He renamed it Bently Nevada Corp. and moved it to Minden in 1961. By the time he sold that company to GE Energy in 2002, the company had 2,000 employees worldwide and offices in 42 counties.

He founded other companies as well, including Bently Pressurized Bearing Co., Bently Agrowdynamics and Bently Biofuels. The Bently name is associated with expansive land holdings in Douglas County’s scenic Carson Valley.

The couple restored the former Federal Reserve Bank in downtown San Francisco and renamed it the Bently Reserve. In 2009, a collection of her jewelry designs was exhibited at the de Young Museum in San Francisco.

Christopher Bently also serves on the advisory board of the Black Rock Arts Foundation as well as the Burning Man Project.

Amber Marie Bently, photo SF Chronicle, Liz Hafalia

Amber Marie Bently, photo SF Chronicle, Liz Hafalia

Tomas McCabe, executive director Black Rock Arts Foundation, said foundation members were “devastated” to hear of Amber Bently’s death.

“She was a super, outgoing, very creative person,” he told the Associated Press by telephone. “She was always joyful. She made amazing jewelry and beautiful stuff.”

A man who answered the phone at Bently Holdings in Minden said the company would have no comment

We’ll be updating this story as more information comes in. One piece we have, still unconfirmed but certainly explicable, is that her dogs were also found dead at the scene. It appears the story broke this morning, but when found she had been dead for weeks. Here’s 5 Things You Need to Know :

San Fran Socialite Whose CEO Hubby Helped Run Burning Man Was Dead for WEEKS Before Being Discovered posted2 hours agoby Brad Michelson Heavy.com 1 Share (Getty Images) Amber Marie Bently, a 35-year-old San Francisco socialite and jewelry designer, has been found dead in an apartment in Gardnerville, Nevada. Here’s what you should know.

1. She Appeared To Have Been Dead For Several Weeks (Getty)

According to a KTVU report, Amber’s body was discovered in an apartment in Gardnerville, Nevada, on Friday (July 19) by a process server who went to deliver an eviction notice at an apartment on High School Street. It is not clear is the eviction notice was for her or for a neighbor nearby. The Douglas County Sheriff’s Department said it appeared she had been dead for several weeks. She was not reported missing. Amber lived alone in the apartment.

2. The Autopsy Was Inconclusive (Getty)

According to Douglas County Sheriff’s Sgt. Pat Brooks, “There was no evidence of criminal activity or foul play.” He also said that the autopsy was inconclusive on the cause of death. Toxicology reports are pending.

3. She Was Married to the CEO of Bently Holdings (Image courtesy of http://bentlyholdings.com/) Amber Marie Bently was married to Christopher Bently, CEO of the sustainable development company Bently Holdings. According to his bio on the company website, “He is an avid environmentalist who insists on nothing less than exemplary green operating fundamentals in every one of Bently Holdings’s properties.” The company has not made a comment on Amber’s passing.

4. Amber Marie Bently Was A Jewelry Designer (Image courtesy of http://bentlyholdings.com/) One of Amber’s claims to fame was her high-end jewelry that she often sold at big events in San Francisco. Prices for her hand-made, one-of-a-kind pieces ranged from $500 to $6,500. In 2009, a collection of her jewelry designs was exhibited at the de Young Museum in San Francisco. The website for Amber’s jewelry has been taken down.

5. The Bently Couple Were Burning Man Enthusiasts (Image courtesy of Facebook) The couple were enthusiasts for the Burning Man music festival that takes place annually in Black Rock Desert in Nevada. They love it so much that Christopher Bently serves on the board of directors of the Burning Man Project, which is responsible for upholding the values described in the Ten Principles of Burning Man. Although the couple were not living with each other at the time of Amber’s death, it is unclear whether they were divorced.

Read more at: http://www.heavy.com/news/2013/07/amber-marie-bently-dead-rip/

She was found dead last Friday:

1200 high school street gardnervilleOn Friday, 07/19/13, at approximately 4:30 pm, Investigators of the Douglas County Sheriff’s Office responded to an apartment in the 1200 block of High School St, in Gardnerville, reference a death investigation.

Information revealed that a civil process server had gone to the location to serve an eviction, and had discovered a deceased person inside the residence.

The decedent, later identified as 34 year-old Amber Marie Bently, rented and resided alone in the apartment. It appears Bently was deceased inside the apartment for several weeks.

No evidence of criminal activity or foul play was discovered. Cause of death is pending.

The investigation continues.

Here’s a link to their 2009 Pyjama Party, their debut on the Nob Hill scene. They wanted to throw a party to blend their society friends together with their Burner friends, and Pyjamas seemed like a common denominator:

New kids on the block, Amber Marie and Chris Bently, threw an old fashioned pajama party for their eclectic friends, who all flipped over the 360 degree views of the city and the bay from their two-story Nob Hill Penthouse.Already married for 10 years (she’s barely 30 while he’s only 38) the enthusiastic duo participate in a myriad of civic, social, charitable, and business ventures around town.In the last few years, this real estate family has restored the former Federal Reserve Bank, now named the Bently Reserve, and converted it to office, retail, conference and event spaces. They’ve also opened Kamalaspa in downtown Union Square.
Lounging in our PJs
Three years ago the Bentlys went to their first Burning Man, a week long art event at Black Rock City in the Nevada desert. Perhaps the ultimate in performance art, more than 50,000 set up camp; all with the idea to express themselves through art, dress, actions, whatever. Having just watch the Burning man CD I realized this is a real happening!The Bentlys wanted to throw a party to blend their Burning Man art friends with their society friends. They decided that PJ party was just the ticket to relax so many who were strangers.Everyone seemed to get into the act. I must admit, it was fun and a lot less risqué than I imagined, thank goodness. And this artsy crowd lived up to expectations, no two dressed alike. PJs covered the gamut from Brooks Brothers and flannels to oriental robes and black negligees.
Partito Tequila was a featured favorite, shots or margaritas, accompanied by mounds of caviar, an oyster bar, soup shooters and cheese trays to keep everyone happy, while the DJ played into the night.One young guest said about the Burning Man scene, “I really like this … I missed the 70s, it’s like another era, a walk on wild side, with a mix of people from every strata and the common denominator is pajamas.”On the way home, I thought it was hilarious seeing guests trotting around Nob Hill in their jammies. I wonder what the neighbors were thinking – welcome to the neighborhood.

A bio on Mrs Bently from a Fashion show she did with her jewellery line:

ambermarieAmber Marie Bently launched her eponymous collection of couture jewelry after immersing herself in the fine art of jewelry craftsmanship at the renowned Revere Academy in San Francisco. Her dedication to forwarding environmental conservation and sustainable style inspired her to create jewelry handcrafted from 18 karat recycled gold and responsibly sourced gemstones. Her environmentalism, global travel, and lifelong interest in Eastern history and culture have together influenced her design of one-of-a-kind pieces that are unique in today’s marketplace. She has traveled extensively throughout India, and draws many of her design ideas from these experiences.

Amber Marie is a well-known contributor to conservation causes, serving on the board of nonprofit environmental organizations such as Global Green USA, Forest Ethics, and PRBO Conservation Science. She is a San Francisco style icon often featured on the red carpet of the city’s galas, and actively promotes green fashion among San Francisco’s style leaders.

An interview with the couple from 2007, when they opened a spa in Union Square:

[Update 2:34am PST 7/25/13 – Daily Mail UK has some new details. Another fact first posted at Burners.Me turns out to be true, Chris Bently is in London. Not sure if he spoke with the Daily Mail directly. It is so sad that no-one found this girl for so long, just an absolute tragedy]

A cause of death has not yet been determined and the results of a toxicology test could take up to eight weeks to arrive.

Douglas County Sheriff’s office said Mrs Bently had been living alone in the apartment where her body was found in Gardnerville, outside Carson City.

Mrs Bently, who had separated from her husband last year after being married for about ten years, was well known for her parties and the couple’s building renovations in San Francisco.

The couple, who supported environmental charities, also supported the Burning Man arts festival, which is held in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, near Reno.

After they separated last year Mrs Bently swapped their Nob Hill penthouse and Stinson Beach home for a place in Sausalito before moving to an apartment in Gardnerville, where she had been raised, according to SF Gate.

Mr Bently, who is currently in London, said they had not divorced and described his wife as ‘a wonderful human being who contributed so much to San Francisco’.

He added: ‘She was greatly loved by family and friends, and we feel her loss deeply.’

So, here’s the key facts:

they were still legally married, they separated in 2012 but had not yet completed the divorce process, she had a Court Date in Marin County pending next week, relating to legal fees. She had been living alone in a rented apartment, she was about to be evicted in the town she grew up in, estranged in rural Nevada from so many friends and family that no-one found her body for 3 weeks. Meanwhile, her Mom was actively trying to have her committed to a mental instititution. When the body was found, her ex-husband was in London. She had not been reported missing – although someone claiming to be a family member on the New York Daily News, says that the family was looking for her (after they had her committed to a mental institution) that they had hired a private investigator...

Those are the essential facts compiled from what the press coverage from mainstream publications says. We are not inferring anything or drawing any opinions, please make up your own mind about this. To me, this just seems like a tragic situation – and, one wonders if there are any other Burners out there right now, so alone that they could die right after Juplaya and not be found or rmissed until the end of the month.

It sounds like Gardnerville is a fairly remote part of one of the most remote states. 20 miles from the tiny town of South Lake Tahoe, 16 miles south of the tinier town of Carson City. 50 miles from the second biggest city in Nevada, the booming metropolis of Reno. The press story is spreading around the world, but each one seems to have the same information…we’ve been working on it to bring you anything fresh, I think the Daily Mail got a direct interview with Mr Bently.

I’ve been to Carson City, it doesn’t seem like the place where this type of thing occurs. Although I was amazed at the size of the RV storage facility, right next to the prison. We’ve told some stories on this blog before that suggest it is still the Wild, Wild West out there in some parts of Nevada.

Amber seems like she was a lovely and generous person, and a creative and talented designer, a huge loss to the Burner community. What a sad way to end up. Here is 15 Minutes with Amber Marie Bently

It also seems like Mrs Bently went out of her way to apply her creative energies towards positive causes, having been inspired by Burning Man:

tippi-bird-300In a sign of her generous nature to environmental charities, in September 2007, Mrs Bently flew Tippi Hedren to San Francisco for a fundraising event. A portion of the money raised by selling Mrs Bently’s hand-crafted jewellery was donated to the actress’s Roar Foundation.

The designer created her gold pieces, inset with crystals and stones, in the basement of their Nob Hill home.

She told SF Luxe in 2007 that her interest in design had come about after she made bead necklaces with her husband to wear at the Burning Man festival.

‘We kept going back to the bead store, and I kept making jewellery. And finally I’m like “I’ve got to start selling these because I have too much,’ she said.

Revamp: The couple renovated San Francisco's old Federal Reserve Building and renamed it Bently Reserve

Mrs Bently added that she was drawn to the healing properties of rocks, adding: ‘I wear a lot of rubies because I feel in balancing the chakras you are more creative and you are more open to a creative outlook.’

Her one-off jewellery pieces, which she sold in stores and at charity functions in San Francisco, reached prices of between $500 to $6,500, according to Heavy.com.

As well as environmental charities, Mrs Bently supported the Dress for Success program that helps provide women with suitable outfits to wear for job interviews in 2008, according to the San Francisco Sentinel.

…The couple’s love of art and spirituality led them on several trips to India, Indonesia and Thailand. After returning from one trip, where she learned about the Ayurveda healing practices, Mrs Bently opened a spa in the city.
more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2377473/San-Francisco-socialite-Burning-Man-festival-supporter-dead-apartment-weeks.html#ixzz2a35d3YRx

amber and chris bently

[update 7/25/13 4:20 pm]
The family have made some comments in the New York Daily News:

I am her family member, and I have been directly involved in this entire process. Her husband has dealt directly with the family and has been nothing but supportive and gracious. I will not go into the details, but she was most definitely extremely mentally ill, and refused to stay medicated. Chris and Amber were VERY private about her mental illness, and family was not notified of the REAL issue until much too late. He did the best he could, and loved her so very much…

She had private investigators looking for her, was reported missing, and no one knew where she was. A guardianship was being pursued by her mother and we all just assumed she was avoiding her family because she was a. delusional, and b. furious with everyone for having her committed. She had been going from apartment to apartment for months. She had been in 3 mental hospitals in the last year. The situation is not quite what the press is making it appear to be. I personally had phone calls from investigators asking about her whereabouts. EVERYONE missed her and was looking for her, but under the assumption she was avoiding all of us, because she WAS. She was convinced the world was ending and that people were after her, including the government. It’s a sad situation, indeed….

There were, in fact, missing person reports filed on her. She had a severe mental illness and was resistant to treatment for years. She had been trying to evade family members for months due to her delusions. She had been committed by her family twice. If the blame lies anywhere, it’s in the mental health system, for releasing a person who has a history of self-destructive and dangerous behavior. Her family was pursuing a guardianship and had private investigators looking for her. I know her personally and she was a lovely person and her presence was infectious. She was truly one-of-a-kind, and the very thing that made her amazing was also her downfall.

It’s unclear what the relationship was between this commenter “CLAMATO11” and Mrs Bently, but their information seems to differ from the reported account. The information offered here by alleged family member CLEMOTO11, is – the family knew she was missing, the situation was so severe that they actually had to hire a private investigator to hunt for her whereabouts; when they did know where she was, she resisted the mental treatment they wanted to impose on her. She was convinced that people were after her. She was in the midst of a separation or divorce from a wealthy heir whose own father had passed away at the end of 2012. She moved back to her home town, and yet her mother instead of embracing her, was pursuing a guardianship. Whoever was supposed to be looking after her, didn’t check on her for weeks.

One commenter raised the issue of “gang-stalking”, and organized harassment to create the appearance of mental illness. This seems reminiscent of BMOrg’s “shunning” tactic.

Bently Holdings issues statement

The Silver Sage apartment complex at 1243 High School Street where the body was found was listed for sale a year ago.

The Examiner has a heartfelt eulogy from a friend:

Today, the city of San Francisco, family, friends are grieving the loss of a true philanthropist, environmentalist, talented artist and friend.

We knew Amber Marie Bently and are sharing their pain.

She was blessed with a caring heart. Helping the less fortunate and fighting for causes dear to her heart was Amber’s true passion.

Amber was a passionate environmentalist and her efforts to preserve Mother Nature and our planet are commendable.

Her relentless commitment to environmental organizations such as the Point Reyes Bird Observatory and Global Green’s “Gorgeous & Green” galas made her a leading San Francisco ambassador of the green movement.

Amber Marie also designed eye catching high end sustainable jewelry. They were made of 100 percent recycled 18-karat gold and precious stones from green mines that emphasize ethical treatment of miners and reforesting used land.

She proved to all that you do not need to sacrifice beauty in order to be green. The pieces she created spoke of love and her passion for sustainability. Most of her collections helped raise money for various charities she believed in.

She was known on the San Francisco social scene for her one of a kind elegance and innocent beauty.

A LED-enhanced light-up dress by Fiuka that she wore to the San Francisco Opera Gala in 2010 was featured in many magazines and symbolizes her commitment to green fashion.

Our tribute to Amber:

As we reflect upon your life and the way you respected Mother Nature we would like to dedicate this poem to you:

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper,

I mean-the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
 which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
 with your one wild and precious life?

by Mary Oliver

” I wish for the world to remember the sweet, wonderful soul she was,”shares heartbroken Christopher Bently her husband.

Sadly enough, there are many inaccurate posts surrounding her sudden death. We know that the people who were close to her will not pay attention to these posts, but remember her candor, joyful spirit and dedication to the green movement.

We feel Amber’s loss deeply. Her gentle face and her beautiful piercing brown eyes will be sorely missed.

Amber, you will remain in our hearts always. Your dedicated green passion shall continue to impact our world. Thank you for touching our lives.

[Update 7:20pm]

Amber Marie Bently was due to appear in court next week in Marin County, a motion seeking recovery of Attorney’s Fees.

Her family “all just assumed she was avoiding us”…and yet, her body was found in the tiny, 6000 person Nevada town that she grew up in, and her Mother lived in. Her mother was trying to get her committed to a mental institution.


[update 7/26/13 4:42pm]
The SF Chronicle has interviewed Amber’s brother.

Her brother, Arik Barnett, 30, a software engineer from San Luis Obispo, said he had handled his sister’s admissions to several hospitals during the past year. She refused to accept the diagnosis, resisted treatment and hid the diagnosis from others, he said.

“Amber was sick and paranoid,” Barnett said. “It wasn’t her, the last six months of her life, which is why she may have said and done cruel things to people. She was convinced she had a sleeping problem.”

But Michelene Insalaco, an attorney representing Amber Marie Bently in her divorce, said that in November, Bently “was doing fine.”

Insalaco said Bently told her she was afraid of her husband. Insalaco also said several missing-persons reports had been filed in recent months when Bently dropped out of sight.

Sausalito Police Sgt. Steve Veveiros confirmed that officers went to Bently’s address at 21 Sunshine Ave. on April 3 to check on her after one of her lawyers filed a report saying Bently had not been seen since March 15. Officers found an eviction notice on the door and, inside, a phone number for Bently’s mother, whom police contacted in Gardnerville.

Bently’s mother told police her daughter had shown up on March 18 in Minden, Nev., at one of her late father-in-law’s businesses, the Bently Pressurized Bearing Co., and that a security guard shooed Bently away. On April 8, Douglas County sheriff’s deputies located Bently at the same business and took her to a local hospital for psychiatric evaluation, Veveiros said.

63 comments on “Burning Man Project Director’s ex-Wife Found Dead in Nevada [Updates]

  1. Pingback: Burning for the Society We Want to Live In… (Intel, Smithsonian, VR, & Burning Man) | Christians Chat Network | Christianchat Chatrooms

  2. Chris was a wacker when he was a guitar strumming retrobate, estranged from his father. After doing little or nothing for most of his early life, he budded into whatever it is that you see now. All he needed to do that was his father’s money. Don died after working hard almost all of his life until the end.
    Anyone that knew Don Bentley knew what a brilliant hard working man he was his whole life. Don is rolling in his grave if he knows what this offspring of his has done with his money. But he had no expectation of anything much different.
    Don RIP!

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  6. How sad for those of us who knew his hard working father, who earned the wealth that made all of this possible. May you rest in peace Don!

  7. Chris had a girl friend for 2 years who he left alone without any help. She was from Chile. He was very possesive and once he hit her and she took her to court, getting a protection order. He was very nasty to her and she was afraid of him, ending going back to Chile. In Chile he still follow her, then he met Amber……when he was with this girl from Chile, he did’t want her to study or do anything but haver her in his bed almost as a sex slave…

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  10. When did Chris meet Camille? Funny how he “picked her up” when she was working in an art gallery and he “picked up” Amber when she was an innocent working in an art store…..patterns say a lot about people….

  11. Pingback: 2013: Let’s Be Careful Out There! | Burners.Me Burning Man commentary blog

  12. de, it sounds like you are talking about a disposable marriage with a disposable spouse–is this what the burner culture has come to? Find a spouse who fits your current needs and use that spouse to cover your ass as long as yiou need to–then when the time is ripe–dispose of them–and never look back–just move on to the next convenient person who fits the bill of the image you wish to project? Your rambling thoughts are he disturbing rambling thoughts of a chaotic and splintered mentality. On that can justify anything really, one that feels the ends justifies the means. One that really has no understanding of life, love or relationships, one that sits and waits to deflect any and all comments or questions regarding a poor woman who’s demise makes us all say, what the hey, where, who, why and OMG. But then there is no G in your world huh?

    • dreaming of the return of the 50’s isn’t a viable option, it was a male fantasy anyway. when you get happier, perhaps, you’ll figure out what a mature, loving relationship is…but it definitely is not one built on fantasies of love forever and ever. It takes a collaboration between two skilled artisans, crafting a working relationship. It isnt always easy , but the sooner you realize that empty promises of loving you forever won’t and dont last in every marriage, well, you get my point, Ive been married for 31 years, it isnt always easy,we’ve been through multiple challenges and hardships, but, it IS worth it, and we are always changing our offerings to include the changes we are going through, including aging, children growing up and leaving, illness, and different passions… its working and we are happy, but it isnt because of a “promise”,… we love each other , and have an awesome marriage because we work at it, and we ARE skilled artisans, good luck on the dream, better to work at it than rest on promises.

      • you have no point! you have no idea who you are speaking with! you don’t know me from lilith you fool! oooh artisans, superior people, wanna be’s!!! moron. get off this blog unless you can stay on subject.

    • “de
      August 12, 2013 @ 12:40 am
      you’re heart is closed.2 people love each other, soulmates, one is injured,they both get hurt …let it go.”
      LET WHAT GO de? My first amendment rights? You don’t have those in burning man world? But then you’ve spread your chaff all over this blog huh de? Wanna be, thats what yar de, a loony tick wanna be. Who you running interference for de? You say you are a physician? Whoa, that’s mighty scary de, with your mentality.

  13. Pingback: Memorial Service Held for Amber Bently | Burners.Me Burning Man commentary blog

  14. Well seeing as how the symptoms of domestic violence are often drug addiction, alcohol, becoming isolated from friends, family and community and how all of these are compounded by a culture of victim blaming on top of all the cultural myths which see the effects as the cause it would make sense and would be understandable. Its sad how so many are so wrongly taught to look at these things so illogically in ways which find fault with someone who was the victim of a tragedy.

    Oh and another thing. The number one leading cause of homelessness, depression, addiction, etc. for women is divorce or escaping domestic violence. The world is distracted by gender and full of fallacious myths which only serve to compound the traumatic effects. Look it up. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and every health institution recognize this. Its the tabloid mentality of our culture that doesn’t and continues to hold the women to shame and blame.

    Burner Culture, btw, loves fresh meat and hates it when girls and women figure out they are living lies not of their making, or being hurt or used. The same thing happens with bars. Push them out and away because we want the “young, fresh meat”. Its a sad and common tale in this community. No one cares if women are hurt, but keep that party going is its drug infused mantra!! We all know women disappear from this scene. It happens a lot. They find its empty and the community betrayal is brutal. Its not bi-polar, but every person who causes the symptoms to appear loves to call it that! To appear angry and irrational are not abnormal to the situation these women find themselves in…. but women should always smile and fake it, right! ugh such hypocrisy. You can blame her all you want, but that’s distracting from the ugly reality of what you don’t want to see and are illogically dismissing in order to not look honestly and recognize how sad this whole thing is. Trust me it felt even worse for her.

    If your going to jump to conclusions at least recognize that long term thinking is required. To look at a life equation in a sound bite will always lead to victim blaming. To do the hard critical thinking of truly following the equation through requires being fully informed and not buying into quick fix, feel good myths. She obviously did not know who she could trust and he’s still “the party”. In burner culture the party is far more important. Waking up to this reality is traumatic in a way that many of you cannot fathom and obviously do not care to honestly think about. It will be just as traumatic for you if you ever wake up one day to recognize everything you believed was true was a lie… a fairy tale…. far from reality. When the floor drops from under you wouldn’t you also look completely insane? You’re in complete denial if you say no. Don’t project your denial onto her and please do not project your issues of not wanting to feel what it must have been like into sideways anger onto her.

    There are many similar stories to this one that are side effects of burner culture. This is a very hard and sad reality to grasp. We don’t invest in people. We want them to have the issues so we don’t have to admit there are very serious issues in our midst.

    False nice hurts many very deeply when we find out it wasn’t true as it was sold to us as being.

    1 in 4 women is affected by domestic violence. There are no shelters for men running from their lives and the glass ceiling issues and cultural shame and blame are not put onto them. We blame Eve for Adams decisions. It holds true today and is deeply culturally saturated.

    • its interesting how people who don’t know others personally will overlay their own ‘story” on the truth.This is so commonly done in the mass- media-projection- insanity of this pop culture.We SOOOO love to project our story onto others.As if, OUR stroy is the only one. One woman has issues with domestic violence and thinks that every woman with mental illness is a victim. Wow, how insensitive…. this wasnt about money or abuse or youth or drugs …this is a sad ,tragic story that has no villians and no heros . He idolized her ,protected her, and she was beyond repair. You can’t fix everyone, and you can’t blame others for trying their best to fix a loved one, and failing. I’ve been a physician for 23 years, working in mental health, and sometimes, tragedy happens, with no one to BLAME, in this blame-laden society.Please stop applying your personal history, tragedy,onto someone else’s story. No matter how many words you write to make yourself sound KNOWLEDGEABLE , Macinator is correct, Joyce, you sound stupid, and rude, and jealous of the money, and ignorant of the situation. I know them both.They were sweet, loving, and tortured.

      • My apologies for not clarifying that I was responding to comments on here and sadly this places the new comments first. Anyway do not assume that my response meant that it has happened to me, thank you.

        However I do know many, many, many women who were once part of burner culture and I know the pattern of how they are treated by the culture. You are making some incorrect conclusions yourself. Of course even doctors can be wrong. What we currently teach in med schools is how common this stuff is culturally and doctors are asking women if they feel safe at home. Trust me. I teach this to my students and we discuss these issues in great depth including how they have historically treated and how they are culturally treated today.

        So yes. My response was in response to the 29 comments that preceded mine. It makes more sense if you start at the beginning of the comments and then read mine in the context and order it occurred.

        Thanks for bringing that to my attention so I could clarify that.

    • this is definitely NOT the case here. Many times, you can’t fix other’s mental illness. Your story cannot be overlaid on theirs, so stop trying. They were loving, generous, and he did all he could to help her.

    • I do not understand why her family seems so intent on informing the public of her “mental illness.” This seems somehow undignified and somewhat cheesy. I question just how ill she could have been, when you look at the many photos of her at social events and she is always very well groomed and does not look ill or under the influence at all. Oddly, her last public appearance seems to be November 2012 and in January 2013 her husband is seen in public with his new lady friend. Why defame the dead so vigiliantly, in the press? Why would her mother want to gain a conservatorship and place her in a mental institution in Texas?

  15. She was not cut off of money, she was found with 36,000 dollars before she was put in a mental institution earlier this year. She died shortly after, according to what authorities have said about the timeline of her death. We, the family, are going to do everything in our power to continue her legacy and promote the awareness of mental health issues.

    • thank you, she was lovely, kind, and tortured, I know he idolized her and she was his ‘soulmate”, you cant fix everyone and we ,that know them, know , he tried his best.

    • Yes, apparently she was cut off. In his court filings, Chris insisted that she owned nothing, and that every shred of property was his own personal separate property, even though his assets were conservatively estimated by her forensic accountants at 475,000,000, and even though her name is on the deed for their real estate. He also claimed his net worth to be only $25 million, even though he just bought a new $26 million lakefront house with cash. The papers filed show a refusal to offer any spousal support, and even refused to help her with her day-to-day expenses.

  16. Yep.


    Batshit crazy. And the guy who was supposed to help her, her husband, cut has a previous judgment against him for domestic violence. So I bet we was ever so helpful from halfway across the world with his new playmate I also bet she made everybody who was unlucky enough to come in contact with her miserable too.

    her poor family, who had to pick up the pieces after her ultra-rich husband discarded her.

      • Enlighten us. Are you saying Chris didn’t have a judgment against him for domestic violence? Well, he did. Are you saying the money wasn’t cut off, despite her being evicted for nonpayment of rent twice in the last few months? Maybe, in your high and mighty way, despite not offering any refuting facts, you contend with the statement that Chris was halfway across the world with his new girl, who is coincidentally the new director of the new entity “Bently Foundation”? Well, he issued a statement on Amber’s death from London. Maybe you never say anybody else she made miserable. Well, bipolar people make everybody miserable. Just walk around the tenderloin if you have any doubt.

      • You are making assumptions and drawing conclusions about other people’s lives based on partial information. Again, you don’t know what you are talking about. I do not feel it’s my place to provide you with refuting facts because I don’t think it is anybody’s business but theirs. So, I merely am pointing out that your logic is faulty.

    • does it feel good to bash these lovely people in a public forum?
      you seem like an insensitive a-hole.
      just calling it as i see it.
      Its obvious you didnt know them.

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  18. This is so sad! No one knows what happened between Amber and Chris. I dont think anyone is to blame. Why all this crazy talk this is someone child, wife,sister. Never judge someone untill you have walked a day in there shoes…

  19. i think you both should be respectful and gentle in this, because you are speaking about two other souls . Treat others as you would want to be treated, in loving kindness.

    • Mia, how can you say I’m an ENEMY?! I’m trying to defend my friends Chris and Amber from people like Joyce! I love the Bently’s! I always have and always will!

      • You are posting very personal details about someones life. None of us here should know about it.
        Administrator of Burners.me – please remove comments below.

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  21. And all this time I have been under the assumption Chris was a very closeted gay man and Amber was a fun cover up.

  22. Amber was NOT! Chris’s “ex-wife”. She was his wife. Though she had initiated divorce proceedings, they were not divorced. They were merely separated while he carried on with a new adulterous relationship. Oh, and it seemed that he had cut her off financially, too, since she’d been evicted from at least two separate places twice in two months.

  23. She was an absolute train wreck. Worse than trying to help her, her husband Chris ENABLED her nutso behavior, her drugs, her abuse of people she didn’t like, and her crazy spending. And yes, he is now shacked up with a new girl – a real young one named Camille Church.

    • He tried to help her… To the best of his ability. It was beyond what he could take care of. Yes, he’s with another woman now, and she’s a stable, mature mother who would do anything for anyone. And there ia nothing wrong with it; he’s a mature adult who has the right to fall in love with someone after his heart has been broken… Accusations from people who don’t know facts are naive. You have a view that only comes from a person with no heart.

  24. “It sounds like Gardnerville is a very remote part of one of the most remote states.”

    Uh, no. It’s about 15 miles from South Lake Tahoe. Unless of course you consider that to be remote.

  25. My guess is her husband had her killed even if he made it look like a suicide.
    He apparently was not giving her any money, a good sign he was hooked up with another woman. He just so happen to be out of town, had not spoken with her, but yet praises her when he learns that her death has come to light. He probably was afraid he was going to have to give her some of his money. I think they need to look to him for answers and I think they will find that he had it done to her.

    I think he went into male menopause and started running around with other women, caused the divorce and wanted her out of the picture.

    • There is no mention of suicide. There is no mention of him not giving her money. There is no mention of him not speaking to her. There is no such thing as male menopause in the context in which you use it. Joyce, your whole post is speculation and could be hurtful to family members who may read it.

    • The news is doing all they can to make this look fishy. Get your head out of your ass. If you ever had even one minute spent in the same room as either of them you would know about who they both really were: her husband is probably the most kind hearted man in the entire world. He never cared about the money he has and is planning on giving it all to charity after he dies. His whole life was Amber fir the past 10 years… he would have done anything to help her get better… :Amber was amazing too. She was devastated by the separation and was inconsolable and on suicide watch. Her mind was not right the past few years and her husband did all he possibly could to help her… It just became too much for him… her illness became too strong. You don’t know the facts, so don’t put the blame. I’d bet MY life on it that Mr. Bently had zero to do with this, and i have known them both for the majority of their marriage. End of story.

      • She was devastated by the separation? Are you kidding me? She was living in the Nob Hill Penthouse, along with him for all I know, when she filed for divorce. Yes, she initiated the divorce! As is always suggested when strange things happen: follow the money. Following the money will lead you to the truth.

        • Unless you know them personally, and you know what they have both been going through over the past 10 years, you have no idea. Seriously. Stop the bashing of my friends. This is a really sad situation, and it was no ones fault.

      • Yes, I know/knew them. For years. One: a dolt. The other: a monster. Did you see that when the money went away, so did every single one of her so called friends? Really, he knew she was sick for years and years and he kept paying for her drugs and her ego? He’s not innocent in this. Maybe you should get to know him better, and the previous judgment against him for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Or you should get to know her better, and learn that she was evicted from another home just two months ago. Clearly, he’d cut off her money, leaving her utterly desperate. So she had no friends, no home, no money, plus no education and no viable trade, and was mentally ill to boot …. and he felt it was fine to take his hundreds of millions and jet around the world with a how new chick, however sweet. Yeah, he’s innocent in this. Maybe you’re blinded from all the flaws by all the money and all the distractions it creates.

      • In Sickness and In Health………whatever happened to that…why is it her brother who “checked her into mental hospitals” and her mother “who was desperate for a guardianship over her estate” ????????/ Where was her husband? I guess it was just too much trouble for him.

        • must feel like awful to live like you and joyce , living in a world of nasty make believe. 52 % of americans end in divorce, thas why we now make ‘offerings’ to one another, not VOWS, as a viable, option. We’ve learned the nonsense of promising, deathtil we part, blah,blah.. those worked great for the fief system, when women were enjoined as a business arrangement, for that was when those types of VOWS(contracts) were written, so much better to be living in a world where we can create our own offerings instead of antiquated , “promises”. So, thank you for asking “whatever happened to that?”(sickness and in health)…that went the way of the 8 track, as we now are more aware, and evolved to not make promises that were meant for our ancestors., unless you WANT that to be your vow, these days , you know, 1970 and beyond, people are writing their own vows and offerings without mention of “i will ALWAYS BE THERE FOREVER AND FOREVER” welcome to the millennium.BTW, “where was her husband?” he was devastated for awhile, and he husband was right there, where she left him. when she decided to divorce, she moved back home.If you expected him to follow her, that would be stalking.

    • You have no idea what you are talking about. How rude and insensitive of you to say such inflammatory things about someone you know nothing about. Your statement makes you sound stupid.

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