Category Funny

Nov 29 2014

Gurning Man Festival Declared a Success

re-blogged from wundergroundmusic:

A festival which debuted this year has been declared a success by attendees and promoters alike.  The Gurning Man festival, an event which sees a twenty metre tall wicker man gurned to the ground as its epic finale, was held in the Mojave Desert in Southern California last week.

“It’s like a Mecca for nudists and hippies,” said event organiser Flip Chaste of El Primo Promotions. “Not in the sense that nudists and hippies flock here, more in the sense that people spend a lot of time on their knees with their faces on the ground. Usually due to dehydration and copious amounts of mescaline.”

He added, “There is a real sense of community here. There has to be, I suppose, as we’re out in the middle of the desert with nothing but yurts, drugs and sunscreen. If you need anything, you have to figure out a way to get it from someone else.”

“We operate a barter system,” he continued. “We find this avoids such unnecessary inconveniences as people buying things they don’t need, like Native American Headdresses, obnoxious sunglasses and food. One man brought a large bag of coke and has managed to trade it for water, toilet roll and handjobs for example.”

“However, the man who brought a large tank of water has managed to acquire a palatial home in the Californian hills. People get desperate when they’re thirsty and suffering from sunstroke.”

Flip was quick to point out the flaws of having a festival of self expression in the desert, “You can’t walk ten metres without tripping over a sizzling hippie or walking face first into a tit. I think the attendees think “self expression” means “get your bits out”. Either that or everyone is just losing it because of the heat.”

“There have been some tragedies,” he offered while looking down in a moment of solemn tribute. “One man this year has suffered first degree gurns. The medics were quick to treat him, however he will never regain the use of his jaw.”

The event culminated in the gurning of the wicker man, where all who attend gurn their way through the large effigy.  Three people are still stuck inside the icon and are expected to stay there until next year as they are hippies and have no jobs to go to.

 

For more gurning – “the most beautiful and majestic sport in the history of Mankind” – click here.

Nov 27 2014

Boycott Commodification – or Just Give Us Your Money [Updates]

Thanks to our eagle-eyed readers who spotted this post at The Burning Blog Voices of Burning Man. It seems they posted it, and as soon as there was a critical comment, yanked it again. Not before one sharp Burner could capture it, though; thanks Grey Coyote.

The irony of their Minister of Propaganda being censored on the Voices of Burning Man is one of their best jokes yet.

It seems they are trying very hard to shut down any discussion of Commodification Camps, preferring Burners talk about Halcyon’s Mom instead. Or maybe they don’t want to piss off Billionaire Burner (and Amazon founder) Jeff Bezos.

If you don’t want to donate a share of your Amazon purchases to BMOrg, they accept stock transfers now too.

 

November 27, 2014      | Filed under Participate!.
Black Friday? Well, if you must …
Posted by Will Chase

We’re not huge fans of Black Friday, which puts the unseemly side of rampant consumerism on exhibition, shamelessly turning over-consumption into a spectator sport.

Yep, it’s like that.

Not to get all sanctimonious, but we prefer “Buy Nothing Day”, which was invented in 1992 by Vancouver artist Ted Dave, and subsequently given amplification by the folks at Adbusters (all hail Adbusters, who also initiated the Occupy movement).

It’s simple to participate: buy nothing on Black Friday. Well, it can be less than simple of course — sometimes you find yourself in a pinch, and you gotta buy diapers for the little one. But a massive flat screen TV? An X-station-Wii box? Pass. You get the idea.

Instead, we’ll get all hippy and stuff and — brace yourselves — make gifts for our family and friends. Or not. Sometimes we go for a hike in the fresh air or something. But we’re sure as hell not going to set foot in a box store.

Sure, it may be the equivalent of pissing in the ocean, but it’s something. And it feels as good as it is quixotic.

Now, if you’re committed to playing your part in America’s capitalist dream, great — have at it. But if you do, maybe consider making some good stuff happen with your purchasing power? If you’re shopping on Amazon, do it through AmazonSmile, and Amazon will donate .5% of your sale price to the Burning Man Project, supporting our year-round efforts to share Burning Man culture with the world. You get your stuff, and more people get to experience Burning Man. Win win.

Either way, however you roll, we wish you and yours a happy holiday season.

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About the author: Will Chase

Will Chase first attended Burning Man 2001. He volunteered as the Operations Manager for the ARTery (Black Rock City’s art HQ) and was on the Burning Man Art Council from 2003-2008. He was Web Team Project Manager and Webmaster from 2004-2009, then transitioned to the Communications Department in 2009 to become Minister of Propaganda, working on global communications strategy. He’s the editor-in-chief for the Jackrabbit Speaks newsletter and the Voices of Burning Man blog, and content manager for Burning Man’s websites. He also manages the ePlaya BBS and Burning Man’s social networking efforts.

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One thought on “Black Friday? Well, if you must …”

Grey Coyote says:
November 27, 2014 at 2:25 pm

I can’t believe it, Will. Are you freakin’ serious? Given everything the BMORG has been caught at recently (ie, selling out to Commodification Camps, scalping tickets from STEP to “special VIPs” at far beyond face value, having a board member RUNNING such a camp, etc, etc, etc) you have the nerve to pen this:

“…Now, if you’re committed to playing your part in America’s capitalist dream, great — have at it. But if you do, maybe consider making some good stuff happen with your purchasing power?If you’re shopping on Amazon, do it through AmazonSmile, and Amazon will donate .5% of your sale price to the Burning Man Project…”

No thanks. Not a PENNY for the BMORG until they ANSWER THE QUESTION.

 

[Update 11/27/14 10:10pm] Grey Coyote has done a nice job re-wording Will’s post, from a more Burner-y perspective:

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Burners are not huge fans of Commodification Camps, which puts the unseemly side of rampant consumerism on exhibition, shamelessly turning over-consumption into a spectator sport.

Yep, it’s like that.

Not to get all sanctimonious, but we prefer “Radical Self Reliance” which was invented in 1998 by a group of burners and subsequently given amplification by the folks on Eplaya and http://www.burners.me  (all hail Burners.me, who also initiated the BMORG Accountability movement).

It’s very simple to participate: Shun all commodification Camps. Well, it can be less than simple of course — sometimes you find yourself in a mood, and you gotta whip out a can of whup-ass for the little people. But a toilet that flushes? A sherpa to shine your shoes? Pass. You get the idea.

Instead, you guys could get all hippy and stuff and — brace yourselves — make a real camp and actually interact with your Burner family and friends. Or not. Sometimes ya just gotta get out the water balloons and go for a hike out by Avenue K. But we’re sure as hell are not going to set foot in a CommieCamp.

Sure, it may be the equivalent of pissing in the ocean, but it’s something. And it feels as good as it is quixotic. Rich fuckers paying 20 grand to hide from the dust. Epic FAIL.

Now, if you’re committed to playing your part in America’s capitalist dream, great — have at it. But don’t do that shit on the playa. If you do, you’re a Fair Target, and we are watching.  Your ass may be jumped by a bunch of Burners with weed-blowers, tar and feathers. If you’re camping with a Commodification Camp, you’re fair game and its open season.  It doesn’t matter if you’re “donating” part of your ticket price to the Larry Harvey Retirement Project, you’re still a total chump in our book.  You’re not supporting the year-round efforts to share Burning Man culture with the world. Instead you’re getting a turnkey camping experience complete with hookers and blowjobs and sherpas to wipe your ass.  This isn’t how you should experience Burning Man.

However you commodifiers ultimately choose to roll, rest assured your Burner Bretheren can’t wait to meet you on the playa.  We wish you a happy holiday season. Try the caviar.  Feel free to choke on it.  See you in the dust.

 

[Update 11/28/14 12:36pm]

They’ve trotted out Halcyon to try again, with the warm fuzzy version:

http://blog.burningman.com/2014/11/tenprinciples/gifting-vs-gift-exchange/

 

Nov 22 2014

Commodifying Decommodification

A guest post from our reader Pantsless Santa. It’s an eye-opener! The desire of these people to laugh at the very principles they created, and told us we had to live by, seems to know no bounds.

image: RK Richardson/Flickr (Creative Commons)

image: RK Richardson/Flickr (Creative Commons)

 

By Pantsless Santa:
This belongs in the totally effin’ hilarious category more than anything else:
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Decommodification LLC is actually trying to register the word “decommodification” as a trademark itself, and they’re doing it in the most hypocritical and illogical way possible.
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Trademark registrations and applications are all public record. If you search for “Decommodification LLC” on the Patent and Trademark Office’s search system, “TESS,” you can see all of the trademarks that that the LLC owns and has applied for.
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 decommodification1
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There are the usual suspects “Burning Man,” “Decompression,” and “Black Rock City.”
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“Flambe Lounge,” which dates back to 2003, is probably some old business idea that never panned out.
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“Burning Man Brew” was originally registered by a brewer and later purchased (I suspect) by the LLC, likely because it would have been more expensive to fight over it in court – nothing indicates that the BMOrg intends to get into the speciality beer business.
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“Black Rock Gazette” is registered by the BMOrg (Black Rock City LLC). Nothing is currently registered by Larry, Michael, or Marian.
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Finally, the LLC has applied to register “Decommodification.”
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I’ll stop for a minute here to explain a couple of important things about trademarks. Trademarks are very different than copyrights. You can’t simply pick out a word or phrase or logo (a “mark”) and get the rights to it.
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To oversimplify greatly, you can’t register or protect a mark unless it’s associated with a particular good or service (defined broadly), and has actually been used publicly to promote or sell the thing it’s associated with. That last part is called “use in commerce.” People often get tripped up over “use in commerce,” because in normal human language it looks like it means the same thing as “used commercially.” It doesn’t. It’s a legal term of art meaning something like “used to promote or sell any type of good or service for any reason whether or not for profit.” This keeps companies from simply registering all of the words they think that they or their competitors might use and squatting on them. They can only register marks they’re actually using.
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To oversimplify again, you can only protect or register a mark in order to keep people from using your name (or brand or logo) on their products in a way that might fool consumers.
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So, Decommodification LLC applied to register the mark “Decommodification.”
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Thinking back to the above, you might ask yourself: “What the hell good or service could Larry & Co. POSSIBLY plan to use this for?” Well, they put it right in the application: “Commercial administration of the licensing and sublicensing of intellectual property by others.”
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 decommodification2
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Now, before anybody (*cough*) gets started with grand theories about what the LLC might be planning with this, I want to share my opinion that absolutely nothing sinister or underhanded is going on here. “Commercial” is still being used as a term of art as above, and the rest of the sentence simply describes exactly what the LLC does. In other words, the actual purpose of this trademark application is to prevent somebody else from opening up their own Decommodification LLC or Decommodification Inc. or Decommodification Gmbh that does the same thing as this one.
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This trademark has a very narrow reach. Remember, a trademark must be associated with a particular good or service. This wouldn’t stop any of us from calling our toilet-removal businesses “Pantsless Santa’s De-Commodeification” or whatever. So why bother bringing it up in the first place? Like I said above, it’s effin’ hilarious! To spell it out:
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Larry Harvey & Co. are attempting to define the word “Decommodification” as “Commodifying intellectual property.”
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Decommodification LLC filed their application for “Decommodification” on March 26, 2012. The application is still being processed because the LLC has not, even after multiple extensions, been able to provide evidence that they have actually used the word “Decommodification” in “commerce.”
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Honestly, there is no reason for them to actually register “Decommodification.” Who else in the world would ever create an intellectual property licensing company by that name? The only reason anybody might do that is to poke fun at the BMOrg/Decommodification LLC: and a trademark does not protect you against parody.
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You can check the history and status of the trademark application here: http://tinyurl.com/mojkq47
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Pantsless Santa, Esq.
General Counsel
Portland Cacophony Society