Category Funny

Nov 26 2015

Have a Transformational Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, Burners. Here’s a guest post from AleXander Hirka to amuse you

Chanting “You will be transformed!” from his perch on the right arm of The Man Float, its founder and marketing philosopher Larry Harvey brought The Burning Man Global Transformation Movement ®™ to New York City’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

BurningManFloat_72

Photo:
The Burning Man Global Transformation Movement ®™  float at the Thanksgiving Day parade, 26 November 2015. Riding on The Right Arm Of The Man, in a typical Burning Man uniform, is founder and zen marketer Larry Harvey.
Photo by AleXander Hirka, 10x ex-Burner.

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Harvey, along with other members of the BMorg, spent the previous evening inflating their massive float balloon with inspirational and transformational hot air.

Holding the balloon strings during the procession along Central Park West were a who’s who of celebrities including Katy Perry, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Kucinich, Karlie Kloss, Suki Waterhouse, Grover Norquist, P. Diddy, Elon Musk, Larry Page, Jeff Bezos, Sergey Brin, and Mark Zuckerberg.

The Weez Burners Marching Band kept a groove going by playing “Get Lucky” a hit made famous by Daft Punk, who regularly play at Burning Man, usually near the “trash fence” perimiter art.

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Comments from Burners:

“We are all completely transformed by this amazing experience in the desert.  All the things we did before we see in a completely new way. The old patterns are broken, The Default World is altered.  I mean, like before Burning Man I was just a tech geek who wanted to make a lot of money by controlling FaceBook algorithms  so more people would get hooked on the experience and buy more product a-and . . .well, after Burning Man I’m a completely transformed person.”
~  Mark Zuckerberg (as he was heading into Macy’s for a bit of Black Friday Xmas shopping after the merchandising parade)

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“Once a guy wears a tutu he’s changed forever. There’s no commerce there at all.  You just shop for months in advance and lug it in and lug it out.  Radical. huh?  That guy goes back to what we Burners call The Default World and where once was a suburban consumer of mass produced capitalist media product there is now an enlightened Burner.  So different. You can just like see it in his eyes.  He knows. We know. We are Burners. Yeah, everyone who goes understands because are transformed inside; even if they look the same standing in line for the latest Star Wars franchise hit at the Cinemaplex.”  ~ Hopsing Bonanza (playa name)
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“You’ve seen how Scientology and est have transformed the world for the better. Well this is even bigger than that.  Yeah sure it’s a wild party in the desert, but it began in California so you know they’re going to add that special New Age level; what those snobs in New York call woo.  So now it’s really all about spreading the Burning Man ethos, the ten principles, which are like the commandments, but different.  It includes things like: rich and poor people are the same, share your water, and pick up your trash or you’ll get poor placement next year.  And don’t get hung up on commodities and do stuff, participate.  I participated in airport arrival and departure. Gifting is great – which is why the float in the parade this year, because it ends with Santa, who is the biggest gift giver ever, right?!  Truly original and groundbreaking view of reality – things that will transform the world once the Burners reenter the Default World and Burner Consciousness transforms it from within.” – Denis Kucinich

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“Being a Burner is adding the ultimate Imprimatur Of Cool to the resume of your life.  A whole new network of extra evolved humans.  Beyond Deadheads and PhisHeads.  And it’s a place that hipsters can wear colors.  I’ll never be the same.  I can promise you – you’ll never be the same.  Can’t define how, but you’ll be transformed. There are websites and videos to tell you all about it and what you need to get to radically survive, even where to buy the uniforms. It’s all part of this MSTFest300 thing where people going to festivals will change the world.” ~ Madame Psychosis (playa name)

Cheers to Broke-Ass Stuart for this bonus image. Someone’s giving a lot of thanks in this parade!

spiderman uncle sam

Nov 4 2015

Shaft, Unicorns, and Morning Gloryville

Shaft the Unicorn. Image: Vice

Shaft the Unicorn. Image: Vice

We keep hearing from BMOrg’s spokespeople how the dusty desert rave is making the world a better place and transforming lives around the planet. It’s good to see some evidence of this happening. First we had Jared Leto bringing Burning Man to SOHO:

Image: New York Magazine

Image: New York Magazine

Now VICE brings us a documentary about Shaft, who was inspired by going to Burning Man events to self-identify as a unicorn.

When a charismatic former alcoholic named Shaft had his life changed by Burning Man, he realized that he actually identifies as a unicorn. No longer able to face the monotony of work and life in the real world, he decided to form a polyamorous and hedonistic movement with other like-minded unicorns.

Donning glittery horns and galloping through London’s streets, Shaft’s unicorns set about trying to create a free-love utopia.

But as the unicorn revolution begins to clash with the realities of life and love, some of the “glampede” became disillusioned, and Shaft’s reasons for starting this whole thing came into question.

Is this the hedonistic, free love revolution we were promised in the 60s? Or is it as fake as the unicorn horns they wear, a desperate and clever ploy by Shaft to escape his own inner loneliness by starting a cult?

It’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while.

The girl’s art around 7:30 is priceless.

Shaft says “it’s the Burning world that I got all my ideas in life from”. He means his ideas about polyamory, partying, and magical transpecies identification. He also says “I’m a massive drug addict”, with Ketamine bed parties being his particular preferred indulgence.

So here’s one way to measure the impact of Burner culture on the world. Count unicorn horns, wherever you go.

Meanwhile, Laser Unicorns brings us this surprise hit:

Oct 22 2015

Burner Steals Mansion

Is this an example of Burning Man values spreading around the world – the wrong way?

From the SF Chronicle

Image: Paul Chinn, SF Chronicle

Image: Paul Chinn, SF Chronicle

The vagabond artist and alleged thief at the center of one of San Francisco’s strangest real estate tales admitted Tuesday that he squatted in a historic Presidio Heights mansion for weeks and sold off its pricey paintings, but explained he was claiming ownership of the derelict estate.

“To me, I owned the house,” Jeremiah Kaylor, 39, said from the San Francisco jail, where he was booked Sunday on suspicion of trespassing and burglary. “When I first saw it, I thought to myself, ‘This is it. This is my headquarters. This is my thug mansion.’”

Image: Jeremiah Kaylor/SF Chronicle

Image: Jeremiah Kaylor/SF Chronicle

The three-story, eight-bedroom home — listed on the National Register of Historic Places — was built in 1904 and modeled after the Petit Trianon, a Versailles chateau constructed for French King Louis XV. Cnet founder Halsey Minor bought it for $22 million in 2007 but went bankrupt and never followed through on plans to restore it to glory.

Now it’s listed at just over $17 million, down from $25 million when it first went on the market in 2012. The city has repeatedly declared it abandoned, most recently on Tuesday.

But Kaylor may have been drawn by something else — a rumor that pop star Taylor Swift was considering buying the mansion and fixing it up. Kaylor is obsessed with Swift, in part because her first name and his last name are similar, according to a friend.

Kaylor…stayed at the home for more than two months. His claim of squatter’s rights was countered by San Francisco police officials, who said the intruder stole and sold paintings worth well over $300,000 — most of which were quickly recovered.

Kaylor said he sold the premium stereo system, as well as a Viking stove and some chandeliers, then used the money to travel for a few months before returning to the home two months ago. He said he had spent every night since then at the estate, with the exception of three trips, including one to Burning Man.

Image: Jeremiah Kaylor/SF Chronicle

Image: Jeremiah Kaylor/SF Chronicle

Still in need of cash, he said he began selling artwork to pawn shops in San Francisco and Los Angeles, books to nearby Green Apple Books and other household items, which he brought to the Tenderloin and laid out on a blanket.

Kaylor said he wrote up paperwork saying the property wasn’t being taken care of and he was taking ownership under “adverse possession laws.”

Throughout the interview, Kaylor’s thoughts wandered. He spoke of growing up in Massachusetts, a stint as a heroin addict in his mid-20s and his love for his four children. But he also spoke of fantastical plans, including a 2016 presidential bid. He said he and Swift were destined to end up together.

Image: Jeremiah Kaylor/SF Chronicle

Image: Jeremiah Kaylor/SF Chronicle

Read the rest of the story at the SF Chronicle.

Radical inclusion. Everyone’s welcome, even thieves and squatters.

“Everything’s free”, the bike theft mentality. Grifting, not gifting.”Gift me that immediately!”