Kentucky Fried Camp’s Packed U-Haul Stolen in the East Bay

by Whatsblem the Pro

The missing truck bears this design, #107 in U-Haul's "Venture Across America" series

The missing truck bears this design, #107 in U-Haul’s “Venture Across America” series

Kentucky Fried Camp, a group of mostly Kentuckians and San Franciscans originally from Kentucky, is a breakfast camp on the 3:00 Plaza whose gingham-clad crew of sixty souls serves fried baloney sandwiches with shots of bourbon, accompanied by compliments delivered via megaphone. KFC also holds an annual race in high heels known as the Whoreshoe Derby, and is planning a cotillion this year featuring Southern belles in electrically-illuminated hoop skirts.

Early this morning, their packed U-Haul truck was stolen, depriving the entire camp of critical gear for their stay on the playa.

“There has been an incredible outpouring of community support,” says Guy Shochat, a representative of the camp. “We already have a free loan of a Mutant Vehicle trailer, which we’ll need, since ours was attached when the truck was stolen. We’re very happy that the art car itself wasn’t on it at the time. We’ve been given a dome, some shade, tents, serving tables, and the equipment we’ll need to run our baloney kitchen. Cool Neon has kindly offered us EL wire at-cost, and a few burners have volunteered cash donations. We are hemorrhaging money buying new shade, water containers, and other necessary supplies. Sadly, our epic outhouse shower is gone, and we still need bicycles, air mattresses, costumes — waaaahh, lost costumes! — and hugs.”

Kentucky Fried Camp hasn’t just been deprived of the things they’ll need to take care of themselves on the playa, continues Shochat. “We give away ridiculous amounts of food and booze every year, without any fundraising. It all comes out of our pockets as internal contributions. This is the first time we’ve ever felt any need to ask for any kind of outside help at all. . . and I must say, the burners are coming through big for us so far. We are being kept very busy with the emergency purchase of things we need, as the money becomes available. Simple contributions like bikes and costumes delivered on playa will really help, and we will return them to you happily after the burn. We are picking up our custom smoked baloney now and breakfast will still happen!”

Shochat goes on to say that the response of the burner community so far has renewed his faith in humanity in general. “I went today from despondent to realizing that there are many more good people out there than bad,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

The truck, which was parked in the East Bay area near San Francisco before it was apparently hot-wired and stolen, is a 17-foot U-Haul with an auto-transport trailer attached. The design on the side of the truck is U-Haul’s “Venture Across America” #107, which is based on Mississippi wildlife and features a picture of a Mississippi Sandhill Crane, a long-billed bird with a bright red head and white neck feathers. The truck bears Arizona license plate AB-89694.

“We’re struggling right now,” says Mick Jeffries, a compatriot of Shochat’s. “But people are rising to the occasion. Our biggest camp ever, over sixty people coming from both Kentucky and California, has lost everything. Any help spreading the word is most gratefully appreciated.”

If you spot the stolen truck, do not attempt to confront the occupants; assume they are armed and dangerous. Contact local law enforcement! If you tweet, you can also hashtag #KFCtheft to let the Kentucky Fried crew know that you’re on the case.

You can donate to the camp’s relief and make sure they’re out there serving up baloney and booze by sending your PayPal contribution to the KFC general fund at skhendel@gmail.com.

Highway Update!

by Whatsblem the Pro

NV State Route 447 in June of this year -- PHOTO: Ralph Minnitte

NV State Route 447 in June of this year — PHOTO: Ralph Minnitte

A lot of burners have been worried about the condition of Nevada State Route 447 since the recent heavy rains washed out a portion of the road. NV 447 is the main route in and out of Black Rock, and any really significant construction delays could cause some serious problems for tens of thousands of people trying to get to the playa.

A recent edition of Jack Rabbit Speaks advised burners to exercise more than usual caution when driving out to the playa, stating that 447 had “taken a beating” and speculating that road repair work could possibly create a twenty-mile bottleneck of single-lane traffic. “Allow extra time for your journey,” advised the JRS.

Be just, and fear not.

I personally drove 447 just a few days ago; at this point, what remains evident of the damage is nearly all to the highway’s shoulders along the stretch where the flooding was at its worst. It’s certainly true that construction work on the highway would be liable to cause delays even more serious than the actual damage to the road, but you can put the JRS down now and take a deep breath: in a thoughtful and canny maneuver that shows how well-regarded Burning Man actually is by local State and County authorities, the Nevada Department of Transportation (NDOT) has announced that they will cease all road work for a three-week period, to accommodate traffic going in and out of Black Rock City.

“We’re so aware of Burning Man that we don’t do any major road work during the event,” said Scott Magruder, an NDOT spokesman. Magruder added that NDOT is currently doing all they can to repair the road as well as possible before ceasing operations entirely for the duration of the festival.

“Just obey the speed limit,” Magruder advised. “You’re going to make it there. Of course, we can’t predict if there will be another severe water event.”

With 447’s shoulders in a marginal state, further flooding – which happily is not expected – could wash the damaged section out entirely. Always check the weather before you head out to any wilderness, and plan accordingly. . . even if 60,000 of your best friends will be there waiting for you.

Naturally, NDOT will have people patrolling the road to make sure everything flows smoothly. So will the Nevada Highway Patrol and various other law enforcement agencies, so make sure your vehicle is legit, and keep your big lead foot the hell out of the gas out there. I know it’s a temptation to go screaming balls-out down the road toward the best time you’ll ever have, but driving the speed limit will get you there just fine, while speeding might get you pulled over and potentially screwed right in the vacation-hole. . . or worse. Drive safely, arrive safely, and save the mayhem and madness for the playa.

The Digital Renaissance Faire: A New Burner Event Gets Off the Ground

by Whatsblem the Pro

DRF Logo by Corey 'Endeavor' Rosen

DRF Logo by Corey ‘Endeavor’ Rosen

The first annual Digital Renaissance Faire is coming up at the end of May in South Lake Tahoe, Nevada. It isn’t particularly digital, and it’s not a Renaissance Faire; Corey ‘Endeavor’ Rosen‘s brainchild is, in Rosen’s own words, “a B.Y.O.E. (Bring Your Own Everything) community-based educational collaborative art festival practicing decommodification and sacred economy within a festival community environment.”

In other words, it’s a big burner party!

The DRF will be taking place near South Lake Tahoe from May 23rd to the 27th, with some familiar names among the theme camp participants that will be attending; Barbie Death Camp, for instance, will be hosting one of the distinct ‘villages’ at the event (Air Village), with Digital Apex providing sound.

Corey 'Endeavor' Rosen - Photo by Yobi Bear

Corey ‘Endeavor’ Rosen – Photo by Yobi Bear

“We’ll also have InpsydouT and their incredible black-light art gallery,” Rosen reports, “and the Financial Liberation Institute will be hosting a village workshop space. Remixed Ink will be bringing a screen-printing SWAG theme camp. MAP (Music, Art, Poetry) is presenting a live music and performance theme camp. . . and the YUM Truck will be cooking up some amazing food for us to sample on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

Sacred Spaces will be hosting Earth Village, with the Hookahdome as their village sound camp. EVOLVER will furnish some workshop space, and don’t miss Healing Sensations massage healing theme camp, even if you feel fine. SoulShine will balance your chakras with aromatherapy using scented candles, oils, soaps, and elixirs, which sounds like a pleasantly smellful time even if you’re ungroovy and don’t believe in chakras or care if they’re unbalanced.

FluxFire will be rapidly combining things with oxygen in order to threaten and enliven your very existence on this planet in Fire Village at the Digital Renaissance Faire, with soundtrack courtesy of The Othership. The folks from Leafy Green Gallery will be on hand with a sculpture gallery featuring live welding and glass-blowing demonstrations. Rainbow Heart will run a village workshop space while the Sensuality Salon will be hosting an activity theme camp designed to “connect your heart to your senses,” which is probably not as painful as it sounds. Our esteemed colleagues from Burn After Reading Magazine and Raised By Wolves will caffeinate you ’til you’re sore at their coffee bar, while PyroClastic Flow spins fire art.

Camp Happy Hour will host Water Village with a bar and art gallery, and sonic assistance from Sustainable Bass Collective. The Inversion Playground and outdoor workshop space will be available for your use courtesy of a coven of hawt adrenaline princesses known as the Tahoe Ciello Aerialists. There will be a photo booth run by Unique Exposures, and you might just find some stylin’ new (to you) duds at the Clothing Exchange.

The four traditional elements being insufficient for modern needs, there will also be an Aether Village, where the DRF Spirit Guides will man (or woman) an Information Booth, Ice Sales, and the Spirit Stage, a 24-hour open mic stage where YOU can be the star (or possibly jackass)! Rainbow Ranch will present a village workshop space, and Sk8&Create will welcome you into (out to?) their outdoor art gallery and mini skate park. 9Energies will be there, too, to determine which of the nine energies is your superpower.

The Auburn chapter of the Hip-Hop Congress is running the show in Youth Village, with ZeroDB‘s Silent Disco, and the Illumination Dissemination Theater, a movie theater providing educational documentaries and forward-thinking programs all weekend long.

It all promises to add up to an interesting event. Weather allowing, it should be a good time for everyone.

Even Cookie Monster. Photo by Tim Eliseo

Even Cookie Monster. Photo by Tim Eliseo

For More Information:

DRF Hotline: 916-WIRE-DRF
Event Website: www.digitalrenfaire.org
Ticket Page: www.pccn.ticketbud.com/digitalrenfaire
Facebook Community Page: www.facebook.com/digitalrenfaire
Facebook Event Page: www.facebook.com/events/530324116983560/